


Infection (what if)

by LoversSpit400



Category: Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Hurt Will, Worried Jay, angsty, halstead brothers, what if
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-01-22 13:37:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21302960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoversSpit400/pseuds/LoversSpit400
Summary: What if Will head wound were more serious?
Comments: 12
Kudos: 104





	1. Chapter 1

Jay walked into the lab running and shouting his brother’s name. He searched the room for a moment ‘til he saw a pool of red blood and his brother face down the floor, unconscious. 

He picked up the pace and fell on his knees beside Will, rolling his brother and putting him on his lap. 

"Will! Wake up! Will” His brother's head was filled with blood that was dripping to the side of his head. He barely noticed Voight coming behind and yelling for help as he kept saying Will’s name like a prayer as he begged him to wake up and applyed pressure where the blood was coming from. 

A doctor with long dirty blonde hair that Jay didn’t know came into the room in a hurry, kneeling herself in front of Jay and asking what happened to Will, while her eyes went to Jay to Voight. 

“Seldon is the one responsible for the infection.” Voight said. 

A few more doctors walked into the room, but all Jay could focus was on the doctor that was taking a small lantern from her scrubs and opening Will’s eyes checking his pupils. Jay’s heart skipped a beat when he noticed that the pupils were unequal and very much unresponsive. He shared a worried look with the doctor, wanting to scream for help. 

“Jay, he couldn’t have gone far, I’m gonna look for him in the building.” For a moment Jay almost asked who he was talking about, but then he remembered why his brothers was in this situation and his body couldn’t decide if he stood by Will’s side or if he ran behind Seldon and made him suffer the same amount he was suffering right now. 

As if the doctor knew what he was thinking she told him “there’s nothing we can do for him here. You should go.” 

He looked at Will lying unresponsive on his lap one more time, to the people walking into the lab with a stretcher and put him on the floor as gentle as he could, praying for whoever Lord that was that this wasn’t the last time he saw his brother breathing. 

With that, he ran out of the lab with a heavy heart and letting Voight know that he was back in the game. 

While they chased for Seldon, Jay kept checking his phone every minute he could, waiting for Natalie, Maggie, Choi or anyone on MED to give any updates on Will, but knowing how busy they were, he thought it would be kinda hard. But he still kept his hopes on. 

It was Natalie who texted him:  _ He has cerebral compression, just went to surgery.  _ He was in the bullpen talking to the rest of the Intelligence about Seldon, as he read that he felt like his legs had failed him and all the air had been taken away from his lungs. 

He didn’t mind the worried looks he got from Adam and the rest of the team. In his eyes flashes of Will lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood kept repeating and Voight hand on his shoulder was the thing that brought him back to reality. 

“Jay, go to Med and check on your brother.” He heard someone saying but he couldn’t put a finger on who told him that. 

“No. No. I’m gonna get that son of a bitch.” Jay said almost not recognizing the poison in his own voice. “Will is in surgery, there is nothing I can do for him.”

Everyone nodded, knowing that Jay would be still investigate, with or without the unit. 

When they eventually found Seldon, Jay was the first one to talk to him and it took everything he had to swallow his hate for the man and focus on the mission, pretend that his brother wasn’t getting his brain open in that moment because of something the man in front of him had made. So he played his part until Voight walked in and shot him twice on the chest. 

The weight on Jay’s chest still haven’t lift, even though the man was dead and the infection source had just been killed, he still felt like they were on an ongoing battle. He checked his phone again and there were no updates on Will. 

Voight understood his look right on time and send him to the hospital. Hailey volunteered to go with him and he couldn’t express how much he appreciated the support. 

On the whole way, he didn’t speak a word to her. 

“I’m sure he will be okay.” She said as soon as she started the car but got no answer and Jay hoped she understood that in that moment he didn’t trust himself to talk, to express any kind of emotion. He knew she would understand that in the moment she looked at him and nodded. 

When the car stopped at the ED he got out as soon as he could, barely caring that he was still in his full gear and pushing people out of his way, he couldn’t remember the last time he saw the ED room so full, something in his mind said “ _ the day your father died.” _ But he didn’t want to think about that right now. 

He spotted Sharon Goodwin walking towards him, making him stop on his tracks and waited for some kind of information. 

“He’s still in surgery, Dr. Abrams has him now but we don’t have any updates yet.” She calmly said. 

Jay’s heart was jumping on his chest and he felt like that was the moment he could freak out, so he put in his hand on his head and looked at the ceiling. It seems like he was living his worst nightmare waiting for Abrams to appear and say that his brothers was brain dead and that the ventilator could be put on better use just like he did about a year ago. 

“You can wait at the doctor’s lounge, it’s more comfortable.” Goodwin said and pointed for him to follow her. 

He walked into the empty lounge and threw himself on the couch, Hailey following close behind. He covered his face in his hands and waited for news as Hailey touched his knee.


	2. Wake up

Jay lost track of time and his only focus was on whoever entered the lounge. Everytime the door opened and a new doctor walked in he felt a sharp hotness in his gut that dissipated when he realized it was not Abrams. 

After a few doctors, it was Natalie turn to walk in and sit beside Jay. He wondered if she as worried as he was, if she was afraid as he was. She gave him an awkward side hug and in that moment he swore that she was, even though they weren’t together anymore she was still worried about his brother and for that moment it was enough for making him feel less lonely. 

“Last I heard he was doing fine.” Natalie quietly said to him when she broke the hug. 

Again, he could only nod as tears were already threatening to fall from his eyes. 

In that moment the door opened and this time it was Abrams. Jay got up with a jump, arms hitting Hailey that were beside him, but she didn’t seem to mind as she got up almost as fast as him. Abrams came closer to him and Jay’s eyes begged him for good news. 

“He’s alive.” Abrams said to him but Jay didn’t felt relieved, the doctor’s face still looked like there were more to tell. “He’s not out of the woods yet.” And that was what Jay was expecting, nothing in his life was easy, this shouldn’t be as well. 

“Just be real with me, man.” Jay said in a raspy voice. 

“As soon as we got him we did a CT that showed us that he had a brain bleed as well as brain compression, so we rushed him to surgery and we did a decompressive craniectomy and stopped the bleeding. I basically opened his brain and eased the pressure and evacuated the blood.” Jay was taking deep breaths trying his best not to throw up in the middle of the room with these people surrounding him at the same time he tried to focus on what Sam was saying. “We placed a drain and then we put the bone flap we had taken off back.” 

“Will he be okay?” Jay asked as he felt himself blinking away the tears and not really wanting to know the answer to his question. 

“We have to wait for him to wake up, if he wakes up-” Sam started. 

“IF? What do you mean by if?” Jay cut him short feeling anger and worry taking over. 

“In cases like this we can’t be sure, but he has high chances of waking up. I tell you that, but you need to know that is a small but existence possibility of him never waking up.” 

“God damn…” Jay whispered under his breath. 

“If he wakes up we might have no lasting consequences, but probably he will have to face mood swings, memory problems, speech and weakness in his limbs. I can’t tell you if he will make a full recovery, but I don’t see any reason for him not to.”

Jay thought that after all that he would feel better, but it only made him worse. Abrams didn’t give him anything, just laid on the table a lot of options that Jay didn’t like: his brothers could be brain dead like his father, could never recovery or recovery after a long time. He wanted to hear that Will would be okay, that Jay would make fun of him about his fighting skills, that Will would tell him not to worry, but now it all looked like a distant future. 

“He is going to the ICU. A nurse will come to take you guys there.” Abrams said and made his way to the door. “For the record, Jay, I’ve never wished so much for a patient to make a full recovery.” 

Jay nodded, letting the tears fall from his eyes this time. He quickly wiped them and appreciated as Natalie and Hailey pretended they didn’t see it. 

A nurse came into the room and told them to follow her, Jay followed her almost blindly, not paying any attention to the people surrounding him or the looks he was receiving from Will’s friends. Maybe Natalie could update them but right now all he wanted to was to croos the that took him to by his brother’s side. 

He barely noticed when the nurse stopped in front of a glass door. The room was quiet and dark, by the glass he could see his reflection and he must admit that he didn’t look good. His hair was a mess, his eyes were red and he just looked miserable, but it didn’t come closer to what Will looked like when the nurse slid the door. 

His brother’s head was wrapped around gauze, wires and tubes were coming from just everywhere. Will already looked smaller and paler than ever. 

Slowly Jay walked into the room, not trying to hurt Will even more. He quietly sat on a chair beside Will’s bed and held his hand, it was colder than he thought it would be and he tried to warm it up a little. Hailey and Natalie stood by the door watching the scene unfold. 

Natalie’s phone rang and Jay almost jumped off his chair by the sound of it. He looked at the door, clearly bothered by it. 

“I’m so sorry. I need to get home.” Natalie said with an apologetic look on her face. 

“No problem. Thank you for everything, Nat.” Jay said quietly. 

Hailey watched her leave and still at the doorway spoke to Jay. 

“I’m gonna go home as well and update the unit, text me if you need anything okay?” She said leading closer to him and Will. She placed a hand on his shoulder as he nodded. 

When he heard the door closing he broke down. Tears were falling non-stop from his eyes and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He took a step back and ripped his gear off, throwing it on the ground and as quickly as he left he went back to his brother’s side. 

“You need to wake up, Will. I can’t do this without you. You need to wake up.” Jay begged until he fell asleep by Will’s side. 


	3. Chicago Lights

Jay was still asleep when April walked into the room and started to check Will’s vitals. He woke up when she was checking his pupils just like the other doctor had done when this nightmare first started. After she did it, she looked at Jay’s blue and red eye’s fixed on her. 

“How’s he doing?” He asked in a groggy voice. 

“Pupils are reactive. Vitals are holding. Seems like he’s holding on his own.” April said with a smile on her face. 

Jay watched Will’s chest coming up and down at the ventilator rhythm. 

“Why he is on the vent?” Jay asked not taking his eyes off Will. 

“He need rest, Jay. He’s been through a lot.”

“This thing coming out of his brain…?” Jay spoke a little disgusted looking at catheter coming from his brother’s brain, a place that should never have a catheter. 

“We need to monitor his intracranial pressure, just in case it goes up again.” She said calmly again. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“He’s sedated, he’s not feeling anything.” She reassured him. “When I had tuberculosis he gave me so much support… And I wasn’t the best patient. I’m here for whatever you both need.” She gave Jay a small smile. 

“Thank you.” 

When April left he looked at his phone for the first time in a long time. It was already 5 a.m. and he didn’t know how much he had slept but he at least felt rested. And again the waiting game started, he kept looking at Will and paying attention to any signs that he was about to wake up. 

“Come on, Will. Move a finger, open your eyes...Do anything.” Jay kept asking him without any response. 

It was almost 10 a.m. when Jay’s wide eyes were taken off Will and placed on Natalie that was on the doorway one more time. 

“Anything?” Natalie asked. 

“Nothing new.” Jay said disappointed. 

“How about you taking a shower while I stay here with him?” She said to him and he was thankful for not letting Will alone while he had a shower he craved so much. 

“I’m gonna take a few clothes for me and for Will...God, he has a dog now, someone should feed it!” Jay said running his hands through his face. 

“I’m gonna stay here as long as I can, I promise.” Natalie tried to smile, but Jay could see she was faking it. He gathered his gear from the floor and looked at Will one more time before making his way to the elevator. 

Natalie took his place by Will’s beside. She ran her hands through his face, memorizing every single detail of it, just like she used to do when they slept together. She thinks about what he said once about he been scared of never seeing her again when he was held at gunpoint. Maybe this time he was thinking about her as well. 

“You need to come back. ED is really quiet without you.” She spoke to him. “Maybe we can piss Lanik off with our TBI, what do you say?” She smiled through the tears falling from her face. 

She sat on the chair, rubbing her thumb through his hand. Waiting for some kind of response from him. She told him about her night and how Maggie was different with everyone, talking to him like he was her best friend again and they didn’t have so many hurt and pain between them. 

Goodwin showed up at the door and asked how he was, she gave the same answer Jay had given her. 

“I have a lot of paperwork to do from yesterday’s mess. Page me if anything changes.” Goodwin told her before she walked out of the door. 

“Even Goodwin is worried about you, see? You need to wake up, Will.” At the moment she said that she felt his index’s finger move and she exhaled a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

About an hour later Jay came back holding two backpacks on both of his shoulders. He looked better than he did and he pushed a chair and sat beside Natalie. 

“He moved a finger.” Natalie said. 

“Really?” Jay spoke way more excited than he should but he couldn’t care less. His brothers had improved a little, was still alive and that was a huge thing. 

Dr. Abrams walked into the room a few moments later. 

“Well, everyone is in here, that’s good.” The doctor said, lifting his head from Will to him. Sam was holding a tablet on his hand and stopped for a moment analysing something in there. “Looking at his charts he’s doing as expected. ICP looks good, no signs of infection, he as reactive as we'd expected… He’s doing fine.” 

Sam said almost nonchalant. 

“I’m gonna ask the nurse to come in and change his dressings. Tomorrow I want to have a new CT just to be sure we are not missing any bleedings, but right now he’s fine.” 

Jay and Natalie nodded. 

Abrams came closer and checked Will’s pupils one more time and then ran his fist through his brother’s sternum causing clearly distress in Will as he frowned his eyebrows. Jay almost got up and punched Sam, but apparently his stare was enough to express his anger for someone causing his brother any pain. 

“Pain response is good.” Abrams said looking at him feeling the shift in the room. “I’ll come back later, but right now he looks fine.” 

Abrams walked out of the room in the same confident and arrogant way he came in, Jay watched he closing the door and couldn’t help but wonder how a guy like that had saved his brother's life and now Jay was forever grateful for him and his brain.

Natalie got up, saying she was needed at the ED now that they were one man down. Jay understood and let her go, thinking that she was already doing too much for Will now that they were nothing to each other. But then again, nothing like a life and death situation to put things in perspective. 

When the nurse came in and started to change Will’s dressing, Jay couldn’t be in the room. Part of his head was shaved and a large incision was taking a huge part of Will’s head. So he excused himself, tears leaving his eyes as he punched himself for not being strong enough for his brother, but still, he made his way to the cafeteria and ate something just to make sure he wouldn’t pass out as he prayed he wouldn’t meet anyone along the way. 

When he came back, Will was still unconscious on the bed, new bandages around his head and the same empty feeling on Jay’s heart was still present. The nurse came in again, offering him a blanket that he gladly took and made himself comfortable on the new chair they gave him. 

He updated his friends on Will’s condition and thanked them all for the support. He watched as the sun went down and Chicago lights started to light up, it made him think about how life was still going outside the hospital. How people were laughing and celebrating while he was suffering with his only family in a hospital bed, celebrating that he had moved a finger. 

For a moment Jay hated the world. 


	4. Breathe

Two days had passed without any new outcomes. Doctors would walk in and out, look at Will’s charts, assure Jay that he was improving even though he couldn’t really see it. His brother still haven’t opened his eyes or showed any signs of conscious, the biggest win ever since he moved his index finger was when he held Jay’s hand almost tight as Jay begged him to fight. 

Natalie, Maggie, Goodwin, Choi and April were a constant, and Jay appreciate whenever they were in there with them. The unit always looked for updates on Will as well as the people from 51, and it all made Jay have a new perspective on how many lives his brother had an impact on ever since he came back to Chicago. Jay couldn’t help but be proud from the long way Will had come by his own. 

He made friends, was a responsible doctor, made a difference in people’s lives and it broke Jay’s heart to think that it all could be gone right now. The incertantin was worse than anything Jay had ever felt. 

Abrams walked into the room late at night at the same day, Jay was looking at the window again, thinking about the lives that was going on outside those grey walls. Abrams called his name and told him that Will’s ICP was stable enough for them to take the catheter out. Relief washed through Jay. 

“And after that he will wake up?” Jay couldn’t help the hope in his voice. 

“Well, he has more chances to wake up, since we will slow down the sedation.” Sam said. “Today he fought the vent so I might say that we are going on the right path.” 

Jay nodded. 

“Tomorrow’s morning he is my first surgery. Try and have a good night of sleep.” The doctor said before walking out of the room. 

Jay quickly let everybody know and made his way towards Will, brushing his thumb through his forehead and cheeks. 

“Did you hear that? They will take this thing out of you and you can wake up again.” Again no response came. “You’ll get better.” 

So Jay sat on the chair beside the bed, tucked himself in and watched Will chest go up and down until morning came. 

When the nurses walked into the room and started to prep Will, Maggie and Goodwin followed and Jay just nodded towards them, letting them know he was thankful for the support. They all watched in silence as the bed was wheeled out of the room and the space suddenly felt way too big for they to be there. 

“Jay, let’s grab something to eat.” Maggie offered him as she noticed his fixed eyes in the place that his brother occupied. 

Been pulled out of his thoughts, he nodded towards her and walked out of the room as well. Soon enough they were in the cafeteria, surrounded by doctors and nurses and Jay couldn’t help but feel out of place in there. 

“Do you think it will take long?” Jay asked Maggie. 

“No, it’s pretty simple compared to what he had already been through.” 

Jay nodded as he took a bite from his sandwich. Maggie started talking but Jay wasn’t really following, still he tried his best to pay attention on the conversation, only grabbing a few words that he hoped was enough to make her think she was distracting him. 

When her phone lit up she let him know that Abrams had already finish Will and he was being put on recovery. They made their way towards the elevator one more time and found Sam waiting for them in front of the empty room. Jay walked towards him with his hands in his pockets, waiting for him to say how it all went. 

“All went well, better than expected to be honest. I’m thinking about taking him off the vent later today or tomorrow’s morning and slowly take him off sedation.” Abrams said and Jay almost cried. 

“Really?” 

“No, Jay. I just said it all to mess with you. Of course it’s all true, Will is way too annoying for staying still for too long anyway.” 

Jay almost laughed at the joke. 

“In a few hours he will be brought back, but visitors are limited to only two at a time, we don’t want for him to get agitated.” 

“Okay.” Jay walked into the empty room and said his goodbye to Maggie ‘cause she needed to be somewhere else. 

He waited there for almost an hour ‘til Will’s bed came into his view and they opened the door to let him back to his usual spot. The nurses smiled at Jay after they were done positioning every wire and tube and walked out, leaving him alone one more time with his brother. 

“Hey bro. You made it.” Jay spoke in his ear, ignoring how it all looked the same. Same room, tubes, IVs, hospital bed and thinking of it as a new start. 

It was around two hours after that when Will’s eyes jumped wide open and a few alarms started to go off. Will was choking on the vent and Jay jumped off the chair as fast as he could, yelling for help. 

A few nurses came by followed by a male doctor with black scrubs, Jay didn’t recognize. 

“He’s fighting the vent.” The doctor said. Jay could see by the scrubs that his name was Marcel. 

Will’s eyes were still open, looking around the room in despair and Jay was trying his best to move, but he just stood frozen as people tried to help his brother. 

“We got the message Will. Let’s get this tube out of you then?” The doctor said, but it was clear that Will wasn’t listening to him as he continued to trash on the bed. “Let’s give him something to relax or he will hurt himself even more.” The doctor said at a nurse. 

Jay watched as a transparent liquid was pushed in Will’s IV and in a few seconds he started to calm down. 

“Ok, now let’s extubate.” The doctor said with a smile, staring at Jay. 

“Abrams said he would see if he could be extubated, he didn’t said-” Jay was surprised to have found his voice. “Only later or even tomorrow, not now.” Jay was punching himself for not being as articulate in this moment as he usually is, what the hell was happening to him? 

“Well, your brother clearly has other plans.” Marcel said as he heard Will’s lungs. “Lungs are nice and clear. Please page Dr. Abrams and let him know that Halstead is impatient.” He said to a nurse that quickly grabbed her phone. 

“Ok, Will. Let’s take this out of you so you can breath on your own.” He spoke as he put a blue pad on Will’s chest and grabbed a suction tube and set it underneath Will’s pillow. Jay’s heart was beating loud in his chest, thinking about everything that could go wrong in that moment. 

“I’m sorry but who are you?” The question escaped Jay’s lips in a way more raspy way than he intended, his arms were crossed and he could feel his body radiating how annoyed he was. 

“Dr. Crockett Marcel, trauma surgeon. You must be Jay. So listen Jay I know you never saw me in your life, but believe when I say I know when someone needs to get extubated and I know how to do it. So, if you want to wait for Abrams to walk out of the OR and do the same thing I’m about to do right now, feel free to cause your brother more distress.”

Jay couldn’t help but want to punch the guy in front of him, still he nodded and Marcel turned his attention back to Will. 

“So my friend, nausal calendula is in place.” He said as he put a syringe close by Will mouth, cut a tube that was holding the vent in place and soon the big tube was out as Will coughed as a nurse started to suction his mouth. “There you go…” 

Jay couldn’t help but look at the ceiling, trying to block the sounds coming off Will. 

After a minute or so, Will went back to his almost unconscious state, now with a calendula on his nose and Jay had to admit it made him feel way better about the whole thing knowing that his brother was breathing on his own. 

“So. My job here is done, page or scream if something changes.” Marcel said patting Will’s arm. 

Jay nodded as he couldn’t help the few tears coming out of his eyes, but this time they were more joy than sad tears and he let out a huge breathe as he felt like a weight lifted off his chest.


	5. Waking up

“W’ c’n use the sample…” A groggy, sluggish voice cut through the darkness of the room at 1:28 a.m. Jay was still awake and took a moment to his brain to understand that the sound had just came off out Will. In the moment that he did, he jumped off the chair as fast as he could, letting the phone fall from his lap as almost threw himself at Will’s mattress. 

He sat down by the bedside, waiting for something more as he tried to make sense of what his brother had just said. He thought about what Will could be talking about and realized that Will’s brain was still worried about finding a cure for the bacteria. 

“They already found a cure, Will. Took a little longer without you but they did it.” Jay assured him and his heart raced as he waited for Will to continue the conversation, but for the looks of it he was already out of it again. 

Still, Jay couldn’t help the smile that was forming on his face, after almost a week Will had just said something that was compatible with reality and recent enough. He thought about how a few days ago just to think of Will talking was almost like a distant dream, but it had just happened. So he waited a few more moments and when nothing happened he picked his phone off the floor and texted everyone about had just happened. 

Sleep didn’t come for him that night, all his senses were alert waiting for something more in fear that Will would wake up by himself and Jay was very much awake when the first sunlight invaded the room. 

Nurses came in and out and Jay was happy to update them all about it and Jay was glad that they all were happy as he was about it. It was hard to get his mind around that these people knew his brother, cared for him and were rooting for him. 

It was around noon when Will’s right hand made its way to the nasal cannula and tried to take it off. At the scene, Jay’s eyes widened and without any trouble he was able to stop it, considering how slow Will was moving. 

“You gotta leave it there man.” Jay said with a smile on his face. 

Will’s eyes were still closed, but Jay could see that he was trying his best to open up as his head moved around the pillow. With a deep breath his eyelids flushed and a slowly Jay could see his brown eyes appearing. 

“Hey, bro.” Jay’s eyes were filled with tears as he watched Will look around the room and his surroundings, clearly not understanding where he was or why he was there. His eyes weren’t focused on anything specific although he appeared to be lucid enough. 

Jay clicked on the blue button next to Will’s bed and waiting as nurse came into the room, by the time she arrived he motioned at Will and he could see her smile when she noticed that he was awake. 

“I’m gonna page Dr. Abrams.” She said as Jay thanked her. 

“Why…” Will tried to say but his tongue was way too heavy for it, still Jay understood it. 

“I’m gonna tell you everything, ok?” Jay assured him and when their eyes met for the first time Jay couldn’t help but see the confusion on Will’s. He looked at Jay like he didn’t know who he was talking to and Jay swallow the nod his throat and made himself remember that Will being alive was already a great thing. 

Dr. Abrams appeared in the room a few seconds after it, he didn’t look in a rush or preoccupied, just walked into the room and made his way towards the bed and Jay understood that it was time for him to step back. So he did it, got up from the bed, took a few steps back and made sure he was still in Will’s vision. 

“Finally you are awake.” Sam was the first one to saw, a little calmer than Jay would expect. “Can you hear me? My name is Sam Abrams and I need to ask you a few questions and do a few tests, are you okay with that?” 

Will gave him no response, still looking confused at both men. Abrams looked at Jay who nodded. 

One more time the lantern was in Will’s eyes, but this time Abrams asked Will to follow his finger and his brother did with a delay, but he did. And a pound was taken off Jay’s shoulder. Then he was asked to hold Abrams index fingers as strong as he could, Jay watched as Will braced the fingers with his hand as curled his fingers around it and made a face trying to put some strength in it. Abrams nodded and another pound was taken off Jay’s shoulder. The last one to be tested was his feets. Abrams took the blanket off Will’s and put the palm of his hand on it, asking will to push like he was on a car. Will did without any strength and almost unnoticeable. 

“Left side is not responsible as the right one, but nothing a PT can’t help.” Dr. Abrams said looking at Jay. 

“Is it temporary or permanent?” Jay asked. 

“Honestly, only time will tell.” 

Jay nodded and watched as the doctor’s attention went back to Will once again. 

“So, do you mind if I ask you some questions?” His voice was so soft and calm it made shivers run down Jay’s spine, he was talking like Will didn’t just wake up from a coma and brain surgery. 

Will’s eyes wandered around the room and met Jay’s who nodded at him, making him realize that even in a confused state, Will was still his little brother. So, after the red hair getting Jay’s approval he nodded at Abrams as well. 

“What’s your name?” Abrams asked him. 

It took Will a moment and Jay could see he was struggling to remember his own name and the pain on Jay’s chest actually made him think his heart had just broken. 

“Will?” He said in almost a whisper. 

“That sounds correct.” 

Jay couldn’t help but notice a relief breathe Will had just let out. 

“Do you know what year is it?” 

Will thought harder again and after a few moments he shook his head and gave up, looking disappointed at Jay and Abrams. Jay tried his best to smile and assure Will he was fine and pretend that he could breathe in that moment. 

“That’s okay, don’t need to get upset about it.” Abrams said catching Will’s attention one more time. “Do you know what happened?” 

Will thought about it a little more and shook his head one more time. 

“Well, you were attacked and went through a brain surgery so we could repair the swelling of your brain, that’s why you may be feeling a little out of it and not really remembering anything, but I think that with time and treatment you will just fine.” Abrams spoke calmly and slowly looking at Will’s eyes. “Are you feeling any pain?” 

Will nodded and said “h’ad”. 

“I’m gonna give you something for that. Try and get some rest.” Abrams said and excused himself out of the room, Jay following close behind, not before stealing glances from Will. 

Once they were in the hallway Abrams was direct as always. 

“So, I might say he is good.” 

“Good? Abrams he could barely remember his own name!” Jay said way louder than he wanted, grabbing other people’s attention. 

“Calm down. He spontaneously opened his eyes, is confused but able answer some questions and looked like he was aware of what was happening around him and obeyed commands. So I think we should all look at the bright side.” 

Jay looked annoyed but nodded, looking at the ceiling. 

“Jay, you gotta put in your head that’s possible he will never be the same Will you knew. He may improve, may go back to normal, if he does it’s not now, it will take months maybe years.” Abrams said as polite as he could. 

The cop felt the tears roll down his cheeks but he tried his best to keep a straight face. 

“I’m gonna run some tests in him, but I’m confident on his recovery. Just try to be realistic.” 

That were Abrams finals words as he left Jay alone at his brother’s ICU door. It took him a few minutes to recompose himself and go back to the run to find a confused Will started at him. 


	6. Catching up

Will’s eyes still didn’t focus on anything, he kept looking at walls, the chair, the wires and tubes around him, feeling it all almost familiar, but couldn’t really know why. When Jay walked into the room he stood still for only a moment, ‘til Will found him and their eyes met. 

“Do you know who I am?” Jay asked in the most soft voice he could manage, even though his whole body was shaking not wanting to know the answer. 

Will looked puzzled and confused at him, stared at him for a long moment and almost didn’t blink while doing so. 

“It’s alright if you don’t” Jay assured him when he thought Will's brain might break all over again from all the thinking he was doing. 

“Y…” Will was clearly struggling to find the words to say what he wanted. Jay was patience but he could see Will was getting stressed by it. So the redhead took a deep breath and closed his eyes as if he was calming himself down. “J’y.” 

Relief came all over Jay when he heard it. He came closer to the bed Will was lying and at it. 

“I’m so glad you remember me.” The blonde almost cursed himself by how emotional he sounded. 

Will nodded and lift his hand up a little so Jay could hold it, when he did, Will squeezed it a little and soon his head fell on the side as sleep took him out. Jay stood by his side, watching his brother sleep what looked like a normal person for the first time in days. His mind wandered what would be like to be on coma. If Will could hear him or feel something as he out of it, he had heard about people having nightmares and things like that. He hoped that Will didn’t dream of anything, that he couldn’t remember anything from the last few days. 

A light knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts and made him take his eyes out Will. Natalie was standing there, hair down, still in her uniform. 

“I heard he woke up.” She calmly said with a smile on her face. 

“Yeah-Yeah, he did. Abrams said he was fine all things considered… Now he went back to sleep.” 

“Yeah, if I still know a thing or two about neuro, he will probably spend a lot of time sleeping right now.” 

Jay’s features got confused. 

“His brain need to reseat himself, nothing to worry about.” She assured him and Jay felt a little more calmer. 

She stood by the doorway for a while, until her phone lit up and she excused herself from the room and didn’t come back for the rest of the day. Maggie, Goodwin, April and Choi appeared in the room as well, just like Natalie they didn’t stuck for long. Jay was glad that they were there and understood why they didn’t find Will sleeping as fascinating as he did. Maybe they saw it everyday, maybe since the beginning they knew that was going to happen, but to Jay this was the happiest of all the terrible options that had ran through his head each passing minute since he found his brother on the lab’s floor.

Nurses came into the room around 3 hours after Will had fallen asleep. They told Jay that they need to take him to run a few tests and even though every fibber on Jay’s was telling him that he shouldn’t let anything disturb his brother, he nodded and let them give Will a sedative, just in case he woke up during the CT or MRI. 

When they came back, almost two hours after, the nurses found Jay asleep on the chair, head to the side, some drool dripping from his mouth. They positioned Will and let the both brothers rest. 

Jay woke up and there was another day in Chicago. He looked around the room and found Will lying on the bed with his eyes open looking at him. Jay ran his hand through his face, trying to rub the tiredness and exhaustion from his face. 

“Did you sleep well?” He asked Will as casual as he could manage. 

“W’at happ’n?” Will’s voice was still sluggish but his pronunciation at least sounded better from last night. 

“What do you remember?” 

Will had his thinking face on him again and Jay could see when his breathing got a little faster and his features were starting to look frustrated. 

“Seldon attacked you, he gave you a brain swelling.” Jay spoke before Will could get more upset. “He threw a microscope on your head.” 

Will stared at him for a while. 

“Who is Seld’n?” 

“The man behind the flesh eating bacteria” 

Will looked even more confused and Jay cursed under his breath trying to get on Will’s mind so he could put the pieces together and make his brother remember what had happened. 

“Will, what’s the last thing you remember?” The hurt in his voice was almost touchtable. 

“Blurry” Will said and Jay couldn’t help but be glad that he did it without swallowing some letters. 

“What do you need me to tell you? Come on. I’ll tell you everything.” Jay spoke a little more confident as he sat on Will’s bed.

“Where am I?” 

“Chicago Med, you’re a doctor here and you were working when you were attacked.” 

Will nodded and sounded pleased by the answer. 

"Nat?" Will asked and Jay couldn't help the smirk that came off his mouth. He tried not to give Will the wrong impression, but if his brother was any better he would have teased him so much about it. 

"She was here yesterday but you were sleeping." Jay spoke and he couldn't help but notice that Will was still looking around the room, trying to find something... or someone. "Will, you guys are not together anymore. She broke up with you." Jay felt like he was twisting a knife on his brother's and he swore could feel the same pain Will was feeling. 

“Oh.” Was all Will said as he became distant and decided that was enough talk for the day, so he turned to his side and closed his eyes. Jay kept looking at him and wishing he could know how to do in these kind of situations, wishing he could know what were the right and wrong in there.

Not even 10 minutes after that Will woke up one more time, this time his hands threw from the covers and he trashed as if he was trying to make his way out of bed. It took Jay by surprise and he thanked his cop instincts and reflexes that he was able to hold his brother down on bed until help came. 

“Will! Stop! Stop you gonna hurt yourself!” He screamed when a doctor he didn’t know was ordering one of the nurses to sedate Will. He looked the nurse in the eyes begged for her not to do it. “Please, hold a second.” 

He threw himself at Will and grabbed his brother in a hug and Will eventually calmed down. 

“He destr- the samples.” Will whispered in his ear. “I go- I- help. Help.” 

“It’s over now. It’s all over now. They found the cure.” Jay broke the hug and looked at Will eyes there were focusing on him now. 

“Is eve-everyone fine?” Jay couldn’t help but be a little hurt every time Will tried to say something but the words didn’t come as he wanted. 

“Yes, man. It’s all over now, Chicago is back.” 

Will's heart rate decreased by that and Jay could see his brother calming himself down and relaxing as he laid himself back on the bed and crowd surrounding them dissipated.

"Welcome back, Will." 


	7. Difficult

Dr. Abrams had come back with Will’s latest test results and told Jay that even though everything was looking better, Will was still a long way from recovery and that from now on it would be like taking care of a drunk 2 years old. Jay thought he was joking back in the moment, but almost a week after it, Abrams couldn’t be closer to the truth.

On the first two days Will couldn’t stay awake longer than an hour, he usually woke up disoriented and asking Jay where he was and what had happened. 

“ _ Where am I?”  _ Will would ask in his new groggy and sluggish voice. 

“ _ You are at Chicago Med, you were attacked.”  _ Jay would say, trying his best to make it look like it was the first time Will was asking him. 

Even though people were telling him it was normal, it was getting frustrated to look at Will confused and lost eyes everytime he woke up. It was like a circle that repeated itself on and on. 

It was broken at 1:28 a.m Will woke up confused, heart rate increasing, eyes searching around the room and not focusing on anything in particular. Jay tried his best to calm Will down as he trashed on the bed, acting like a prisoner who wanted to escape. After a minute or so, Jay could finally understand that the sounds coming out of Will’s mouth were similar to: “Who are you?” and “Let me go.” 

It had hit Jay like a shot how his own brother wasn’t recognizing him, how now he was just a stranger. So he slid the door and sat on the hallway, hiding his face on his knee while a nurse walked in and sedated Will as he was shouting and not recognizing anyone. 

Jay stood there, cursing himself, cursing Seldon, the situation they were in. He was mad at the world, the people in it, nurses and doctors who couldn’t bring his brother back to his normal self faster. 

When the noises in the room stopped and a blonde nice nurse sat beside him and said “ _ he is sleeping now,'' Jay _ nodded and made his way back in the room. Quickly he sat down on the bed Will was sleeping and took his brother’s hand on his and apologized as profound as he could, hoping Will could hear him.

The morning came with Jay waking up only to find out he had gone to sleep crying, holding Will’s hand and for some reason it was the better he had felt in days, like he was feeling rested for the first time. 

He excused himself out of the room, ate breakfast and went back to find out Will waking up one more time, but this time he was calm and even though his eyes searched around the room, when he found Jay’s there was recognition in them. 

“Why…” Will was trying to say. “Why y’ apol’ze?” Was the best he could do and it was clear how unhappy he was with it. 

“I just… I need some time.” Jay remember Dr. Abrams telling him how he should keep his sentences short and just agree with everything Will said. 

“I’m s’ry.” 

“You got nothing to be sorry for, you heard me?” Jay came closer to Will and sat down by his side one more time. “You’ll get better.” 

So Will started to cry and Jay didn’t know what else to do other than hold his brother. Even when they were younger Will was never a crier, Jay could count on his fingers how many times he had seen a tear escape his brother’s eyes. So watching Will sob like a little kid was one of the things that had never gone through his head. 

After that another tests were made and the now familiar feeling of anxiety had come back at Jay’s chest. This time, the nurse asked Will his name and he even spoke the Halstead. When they asked him where he was, he said “h’tal.” and Jay couldn’t help but be proud that Will had at least retained one information. Year was a trick question, but 2018 was good enough for Jay. 

Just that had exhausted Will and he fell asleep.

Once he woke up, 3 days after the PTA, Will was quiet and looked like he was mad at Jay. Everytime Jay tried to engage any kind of conversation Will would shut him down and disagree with something he said. 

“I d’nt want them” Will said as Jay tried to make him take pain medicine. “I-” Will took a deep breath and tried to make his brain connect his thoughts. “Go out!” 

“You want me to go?” Jay calmly asked him, but Will frustration was getting into him. 

“No!” Will screamed. “I go!” 

“Calm down, ok? Stay calm, please.” Jay said taking a deep breathe as well. “You’ll get better and then we will leave.” 

“Now!” 

“You can’t leave now, man.” 

So Will shut himself out again, clearly annoyed at Jay. He tried to move to his side, but the task was more difficult than he previously thought and it hurt to watch as his brother tried to focus all his strength a simple task. Still, Jay decided against help him. 

After a few hours everything was forgiven and different questions were coming towards Jay. New York, a bomb in the ED, their father were now topics and it felt like an improvement. 

“You job?” Will asked after a few minutes of silence. 

“I’m a detective. A cop.” Jay gladly told him. 

“I kn’w.” Will said, Jay couldn’t help but feel how annoyance in his voice, for a moment he could’ve swore Will rolled his eyes. “You ha-have… Go back?” 

“Oh! You mean how’s my job going?” He couldn’t help but let out how surprised he was that Will remembered about his job. "It's fine, we just had this big case-" 

Frustration was building itself in the room. 

"Missing. Go back." Will said with some struggle. 

"Oh… You are worried about me missing work?" Will nodded. "Voight, my boss, gave me a break. As long as you need." 

"They need you" Jay was proud that Will spoke that in an almost understandable way. 

"They will be fine without me for a while." 

Will didn't seem to buy it, but nodded either way and started to wander one more time. Quickly Jay let everyone know that Will memory as getting better as his brother looked out of the window. 

The following days were filled with a few victories and setbacks. Will would get frustrated when he almost remembered something but the certain wouldn’t come to him. Whenever anyone would try to help, Will would get mad and tell them he was fine, that there was nothing wrong with him. 

That meant that he was refusing pain meds, even though Jay could see he was in pain and pushing himself way too hard than he should. Keeping Will still was a problem itself as he used to try to pull the cover off and leave the bed. 

The final straw was when Jay woke up with a strong and loud noise at 3:43 a.m. His eyes searched around the room and weren’t able to find Will on the bed. Nurses walked in as he surrounded the bed to find Will had fallen on the floor. Blood was coming out from where the IV needle used to be and his eyes were looking around the room, confused and searching for answers. Jay wanted to be mad at him, to yell and scream at him for being stupid, but the look in Will’s eyes didn’t let him. 

His brother looked like a small child that couldn’t understand the world around him, pleading Jay for reassurance once their eyes met. 

When they helped Will back in bed, reality apparently had sat down on Will’s as his eyes were fixed on a determined point. 

“Will, you have to let us help you.” Jay pleaded. “You are not broken man. You are not useless, but right now, you need help. You need to let us in.” 

“W’nt to g’ bck” Tears were filling Will’s eyes. 

“I know. This is part of the recovery. Take your meds, do as docs say and you’ll get better.” 

“What if no?” 

“Let’s take small steps, ok? One day at a time.” 

There were a moment of silence between then, when Jay searched Will’s face through the dimming lights for something he didn’t really know. 

“Head hurts.” Will said in a whisper. 

Jay felt joy spreading through his body as Will finally accept his presence and took a step towards his recovery. 


	8. Rehab

Jay was sitting in his chair, phone in hand and looking more relaxed than he previously were, his attention was on Will as he was trying to tell him how much he hated the catheter. Lately Will was way more talkative and his talks were usually complains about everything. 

The first victim of Will’s complaints was the feeding tube in his nose. He would tell Jay how uncomfortable it was and how it made him feel sick. Thankfully, Abrams told them the tube could be removed without any major problems, although Will’s diet would only be normal after a while. It didn’t take long for the nurse to come. 

Jay watched as the tape securing the tube on his brother's nose was removed and the nurse sat Will upright as possible. Little whimps came out of his brother and Jay held his hand tight. 

“Will take a deep breath for me and hold it, ok?” The nurse said softly. 

He did as he was told. Jay watched as she slowly but evenly withdraw tubing. It was uncomfortable to watch the long tube coming out, it took a lot from Jay not to look away, but Will’s closed and twisted expressions were enough for letting him know how much his brother needed him. Instead, he held Will’s hands tighter. 

When the nurse pulled it quickly, Will gag reflex made itself known. 

Once he was clean, for the first time in weeks Will brushed his teeth. Jay put a bowl underneath his chin and gave him a toothbrush. Will held it with his right hand and it took him a lot of struggle to even put his hand up a little. Jay watched as Will tried to take his hands to his mouth without any success.

“I’m useless!” Will said while giving up with a huge sigh and his hand collapsed by his side. 

“It’s part of the recovery, man! Now that you are stable PT will actually start and you’ll get your funcions back” Jay hoped his voice and face were hiding how much Will’s situation was hurting him. 

The frustration in the room was palpable, but Will nodded either way. So Jay proceeded to help Will. 

That were some kind of improvement in the next few days. Jay almost jumped around when he saw his brother take a few steps towards the chair beside the bed, when Will collapsed on the chair, exhausted, heavy breathing, the proud smile on his face made Jay almost forget all the sleepless nights, the screams and memory loss. Almost. 

When Will was taking his first steps out of the room and around the nurse's station with a mobile frame, Jay, who were by his side - just in case something happened - heard his phone ringing. He took it out of his pocket and saw Voight’s name on the display. 

“Gotta take it.” He said and waited for Will for nod. Once he did, Jay excused himself and watched his brother from afar. 

“Halstead.” 

“Jay. How’s Will?” Voight’s impatient voice told Jay that this call wasn’t about his family. 

“Doing better. Walking around now. What happened?” 

“We need you back.” 

“Sarge…” 

“Jay, we have a huge case and we need everyone on deck. It’s up to you, but your presence would make our lives way easier.” 

Jay was silent for a moment. He looked at Will taking small steps as the nurses congratulated him. 

“Tomorrow. But sarge- If anything-” 

“Will is your priority, you can leave at any time.” 

They said their goodbyes and Jay took a deep breath, feeling like he had just cheated his brother, broke their trust. While he made his way back to Will, flashes from the time Will didn’t recognize him ran through his head and his heart rate increased just thinking about it happening again. 

He barely noticed when Will was back in his room, already sitting on the bed that was in a sitting position. His hands were shaking as he was bringing a spoon full of jello to his mouth, it was still a hard task, but it was getting better. 

“What Voight wanted?” Will’s voice brought him back to reality. 

“They have a case that needs my help.” Speaking like this sounded like a lie, thinking about it made Jay ashamed of how quickly he had said yes to Voight. 

“You should go.” His brother’s voice was so much better now that speech therapy had started, even though it was still hard to understand a few words and Will couldn’t really pronounce some. 

“I don’t, not if you say you need me” 

“I have a lot of people.” Will said with a smile. “They’ll call.” 

They were silent for a moment, it was not uncomfortable or full of distress like it once was. It was the reassurance Jay needed that they had come a long way in the last few weeks, that Will wouldn’t die if he left or his brain wouldn’t just stop working like it did. 

“I love you.” The words just came out of Jay’s mouth. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but I love you.”

Their eyes were filled with tears. 

“I love you too.” Will said, only struggling a little. “Go save the city.” 

Laughing as the tears fell from his cheeks, Jay wiped them and then nodded. Will was already making himself comfortable enough to sleep. He let the nurses know he leaving for a few hours but would come back to spend the night. 

He parked his car for the first time in weeks at the District and made his way inside. Trudy was fast in calling him to her desk. 

“How’s Will?” 

“Doing better. He’s already taking small steps by himself and speech is way better now too…”

“It’s a shame Seldon was killed.” 

It took Jay by surprised much hated were still inside him and how much he agreed with Trudy. He wanted the man to suffer, to spend nights worrying and crying, feel like his soul was crushed, even though if it felt like it had happened a long time ago. 

Chicago had gone back to normal. People were walking around the street again, traffic was bad, people were laughing, cops were bringing in drunk people, the Intelligence were worried about gangs that kill people using guns and not super bacterias. Some wounds are still open and Jay thinks how ugly will these scars be if they ever close. 

So he nodded at Trudy and made his way upstairs. 

Once he was in the Intelligence’s view, a few surprised looks came to his direction, everyone greeted him and wanted to know more about Will. Some excuses about how they were too busy and couldn’t come to visit were said, but Jay understood. 

Quickly they updated him on the case. His mind sometimes wandered around to the hospital, when it happened he would text anyone that were possible to be there and waited for a response. It was Choi who texted  _ Was with him right now. He’s fine.  _ And it calmed Jay’s heart and made him focus on his job. 

Two days had passed and Jay’s routine was starting to few normal. He was working less hours and would go back to the hospital as soon as he felt like he had been away for too long. The case had some leads now and Voight send him and Hailey to interview a suspect. 

Once they were in the car the normalcy of it almost terrified him. 

“What’s wrong?” Hailey asked. Funny how she could always read him like a book. 

“It feels normal.” He said, eyes still on the road. “You and me. Doing our jobs. It feels good.” 

She nodded and he knew she knew what he wanted to say, but the words wanted to come out anyway. 

“The last I was in the car with you I thought I was going to meet my brother’s dead body.” Hailey looked at him not with pity, but understanding. “It was so hard Hailey… So hard. One night he didn’t recognize me so I had to just watch as he screamed. Abrams didn’t know if he would wake up and I was so mad- so mad at everyone...”

“It’s okay.” She simply said and gave him her best condescending smile. “I’m glad he’s doing fine.” 

The questioning went without any troubles and Jay knew the guy was guilty before he even said a word, still, they brought him to the station and almost two hours later they got a confession. 

It was at the same time Jay’s phone lit up and he read a text from Natalie that said:  _ We need you here.  _

He ran as fast as he could, not bothering to give anyone any explanations. He took his car and drove as fast as he could and in record time he was back at Chicago Med, at Will’s door. When he opened it, he the room empty, the bed that occupied most of the room was gone, leaving it a huge hole in it. He remembered the feeling when he walked into Erin’s apartment and everything was gone and he never saw her again. No letter, goodbye or even a single word was said. 

He knew this wasn’t the case, but what if Will had died when he was away? What if his brain started to bleed again and they were back at square zero? 

“Jay!” He saw Natalie holding him by the shoulder as he was on the floor. “Hey…” Now her voice was softer. “I think you had a panic attack.” 

“What? Will?” Was all he could manage as he took deep breaths. 

“They took him for CT, he came back from PT and complained about a headache, so Sam wanted to take precautions.” 

“His brain is bleeding again?” Now panic had completely sat on Jay’s chest making it hard for air to get in. 

“We’re not sure. That’s why he’s on CT. Sorry I wasn’t here when you came.”

It took an hour and Jay couldn’t help but blame himself every single minute of it. He shouldn’t have gone back to work when his brother was still in the hospital. Chicago could survive without him while Will only had him to lean on and he had failed. 

When the bed came back and a conscious Will followed by an annoyed Dr. Abrams walked into the room, Jay started at every single detail of his brothers body, trying to see something wrong.

“They shouldn’t h’d called you” Will said and he sounded as normal as he could. 

“So, big red right here thought it would be a good idea to increase dumbbell weight and started to complain about headache. Fortunately there is no bleeding, he just stressed himself out. As long as he takes it easy he should be fine.” Dr. Abrams said letting his annoyance come out in his voice. 

“So there’s no problem?” Jay asked to make sure. 

“No, just stupidity” 

They talked for a while more and once again Jay was alone in the room with his brother. 

“I’m sorry” Will said as soon as Natalie closed to door. 

“Really? Sorry?” Jay was mad and he didn’t want to hide it. “I thought you were dead!” 

“I thought I could handle it.” Jay cursed Will for doing the small, hurt voice. He knew how hard it was for Will and how bad he wanted to go back to normal. 

“Man… Just... “ 

“I know”

So they both nodded. They knew. Jay knew they were different sides of the same coin, how Jay would’ve done the same thing Will did, how he would push himself just ‘cause he could and there were no point in fighting about it.

“Are you still sensitive to noises and that kinda stuff?” 

“It’s better.” 

“Can you handle a movie? No action or anything… Just a movie.” 

“Yeah. That would be great.” 

So Jay made himself comfortable and put a movie on the hospital’s TV. Will was asleep before the middle of it, Jay almost made to the end before sleep consumed him. 


	9. Leaving

As the days passed by, Jay could see some improvement on Will’s condition. His brother’s speech was better and Jay didn’t have that much trouble understanding what he was saying. Walking was still difficult, especially involving his left side. Sometimes during the walks around the hospital, Will would stumble on his own feet and was up to Jay to hold him and avoid that he would fall into the ground. 

At the same rate Will was improving his annoyance with the hospital in general was increasing. Especially now that Jay had decided to go back to work, only for half period. 

Will would stay in his room with eventuals visits from Choi, April and Elsa. Elsa would come and update him on what was happening in the ER, tell him that people were missing him and that he should come back soon. She was still a blur in his memory, something familiar that he couldn’t understand why, but everytime she came around she would entertrain Will and that was enough for him. 

His boredom was getting into him. He would wake up and do 3 hours of therapy per day, for 5 days a week. Same things everyday. Nothing would change and he didn’t feel any changes in him, even though people would encourage him and say he was doing fine. 

His routine changed when Natalie walked in his hospital room one morning. It was a while since she had gone there, she stood in the doorway for a while. With small steps she came closer to his bed and sat on a chair next to him. 

“Hey” He said in a small voice. 

“How are you feeling?” Natalie’s voice was soft and calming. 

“Fine.” 

The silence between them were uncomfortable, and Natalie was watching her feet trying not to face Will who was facing the ceiling. 

“Will, I’m sorry I should- I should be here more, but y’know...”

“I know.” 

His eyes were reassuring and she actually believed he meant it. 

“When is Jay coming?” 

“He comes straight out w’rk” 

She nodded. 

The moment was awkward for both of them, the thought of how easy it was to talk to each other was lingering in theirs head. Now, the small talk were hard and painful. Natalie was thinking about how everything would’ve been different if Will had just showed up at that church, how she would’ve been holding his hand with matching rings on their fingers, and not only her with a ring she didn’t even remember putting on. 

Maybe she was thinking too much about it, ‘cause when looked at Will he was staring at her. 

“I’m sorry. I should go” She said standing up. 

“What happen’d to us?” Will voice came out like he just said something wrong and he knew it. 

“Will-” 

‘I loved you and you let me go.” Now Will was just hurt. His eyes stared at her with something she couldn’t identify but was far away from the lovely looks she once received. 

“I don’t think it’s time for us to talk about it.” She said already on her way out. “Bye, Will.” 

She him alone. Once the door closed Will wanted to punch something, to yell and show all his frustration for everything. For how he couldn’t keep Natalie, for how he made Jay suffer alone in the past and how almost left his brother again. Of course, this time it wasn’t his fault, but knowing that his little victories were still far away from making him whole again made him feel sad, useless and just… mad. 

So he covered his eyes with his right hand and let the tears fall. He doesn’t know how long he stood there crying, but when Jay came into the room he was already calmer. Still, his brother could see right through him. 

“What happened?” Jay asked sitting down. 

“Nat c’me h’e.” Will said and they both noticed how Will’s speech would get worse every time he was nervous or in distress. 

“Ok, calm down. What did she say?” 

It took Will a few deep breaths, eye’s closing ‘til he finally would get better. 

“Nothing. It was awkward.” 

“Man… That’s life. You’ll move on from her and find someone that makes you happy. But right now you need to focus on getting better. You can’t get this work up over these things, you know that.” 

Will nodded. 

That was when Dr. Abrams opened the door and walked in, without announcing himself.

“Hope I’m not interrupting something.” 

“No, of course not.” Jay said. “What happened?” 

“Well, I have good news. I talked to the PT and apparently Will right here is getting “unmotivated” so we decided that he should be discharged.”

Jay looked at Will and he couldn’t help but smile at the glow coming out of his brother’s face. That was the news they were waiting for so long and now it was finally here, Will would come home. Walk out of the hospital’s door alive and breathing. Jay almost cried at the thought. 

“But calm down you two. You still needs to come to sessions 3 days a week, there is homework activities and all that stuff, so you still have a long way to go but you can do this at home.” 

Jay felt so happy he could hug Abrams right there, but something told him the doctor wouldn’t appreciate. 

“And you will need 24 hours care. You can do little things, but no driving, heavy exercises…” 

Once Abrams was done and left the room, Jay’s smile still hadn’t faded. He felt like he could jump around, hug every nurse and every doctor in this hospital, light up fireworks in the roof, just for letting everyone know Will was fine. He looked at his brother, ready for sharing their happiness to one another but instead all he saw was Will with sad eyes staring at his sheets. Mind far far away. 

“Hey man. You should be happy. We should be celebrating!” Jay told more annoyed than he should. 

“I can’t leave now.” Will said in a small voice, so quiet he almost didn’t hear. 

“What? Why?” 

“I do-don’t have no one for watch me 24 hours” Will eyes had tears now. 

“Really?” Jay sounded mad now. His voice was loud. “Really man? After everything? Everything we’ve been through you have no one? No one?” 

Will looked at him. “You have to work.” 

Jay turned around from Will and faced the wall for a moment. From his bed, he could see Jay taking deep breaths. Once he looked at Will again he was calmer as he could. 

“Look man. You are my priority, if you need me to hover you for 24 hours of every single day, that's what I will do.” 

“But-”

“No buts. This is my decision. Don’t you ever think for a moment you’re alone, ok? Don’t you ever do that.” 

Will let a tear fall from his eyes and he nodded to Jay and actually believed in the words his brother was saying. 


	10. Fears

Leaving the hospital was an adventure itself. Nurses, doctors, Will’s friends and people Jay didn’t really know who they were all made sure to say their goodbyes, some gave them suverineirs and Jay couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Like they wanted to remember this moment and what happened in the last month. 

The path from the hospital’s bedroom to Jay’s car was made by Will on his wheelchair, while Jay pushed it towards the hall and tried to balance his bags of clothes and his brother’s, all that as people kept saying “hope you get better!”, “so happy for you.” 

In the back of Jay’s mind he knew he was supposed to be as happy as these people were. He should be smiling, maybe waving. Not having a frown on his face and being in such a bad mood to the point when Maggie spoke to him, he just waved, barely acknowledging her presence. Even though his brain kept saying for his body to be happy, to enjoy, his heart was drumming in his chest, anticipating some terrible event that everyone else was clueless about. 

Every one but Will. He could see that Will was as nervous as he was, was as anxious as he was, wanted for it to be over as quickly as he did. The whole way, Will kept his head almost down the entire time, sometimes he would blush. Maybe of shame that he was being wheeled out of the ED, maybe… Jay didn’t know what else could it be. 

He wondered if Will remembered the time when their father was having a heart attack and decided to walk into the ED, dismissing any kind of help. He wasn’t there for the scene, but Will had told him once and Jay couldn’t help but think he would’ve done the same thing. Halstead were tough, they didn’t do wheelchair or needed help. Sometimes it was hard to believe if any of those things were true, but appearance is everything. 

When they finally made to the car and Will was safely put bucked up into the truck, both of them let out and relieved breath come out. The synchronism made them laugh. 

The drive was almost made in silence, Will was paying close attention to the street outside, eyes wide as if he was trying to remember why that looked familiar to him and Jay was trying to serve every single bump in the road. 

Will’s apartment didn’t have an elevator, usually it wasn’t a problem considering he lived on the second floor. Now, Jay was cursing his brother for choosing this place. 

“You couldn’t find a penthouse with stairs only?” He asked his brother while Will slowly took every single step on the stairs with Jay by his side, supporting him and bracing himself in case Will’s legs failed him. Occasionally he would need a break and Jay decided not to rush him, make him take his time. What usually would be done in 2 minutes, took almost half an hour and by the end of it the red hair was completely exhausted and with a heavy breathing.

In the moment it took for Jay to open the door Will started to slowly sink into the floor, chest rising and falling fast. 

“I j’st need a minute.” Will said between heavy breathes. 

“Shit. Will, you need- you need to-” Jay’s brain was failing to provide him with the right words. “Are you in pain?” 

“No. Just-Wasn’t ready.”

It took a moment for Will to get up from the floor - with Jay’s help - and be put on his bed. In the moment he laid there his back hurt, relaxing the muscles that were tense for weeks now. He was finally home, safe, in his bed with his brother dropping his belongings on the floor. He was alive. 

“So, I’ll order lunch. What do you want?” 

Jay said from the doorway. Will didn’t bother looking away from the ceiling, in his mind he could see Jay leaning there, with his arms crossed, looking at Will almost like he didn’t care about the situation they were in. 

“Che’-cheeseburger w’h fries” 

“Come on, Will.” 

Now Will got his head a little bit straight and was able to face his brother. 

“Please”

“Just for today. ‘Cause we are celebrating.” Before the words could leave Will’s mouth he added. “And no beer for you.” 

Jay made his way out and almost in the same second Will let exhaustion take over and slept only to be woken up by his brother holding two oiled bags that he presumed that had his order in. 

He got into a sitting position as slow and as careful as he could and Jay sat in front of him in bed, opening the bags and offering the food. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Better. Good to be home.” 

He took a bite from the burger and the flavours exploded in his mouth, it has been so long since he had any food he liked that felt like his body forgot who actually enjoy a meal was like. He had to remind himself to eat slowly and in small bites so he wouldn’t choke. 

“You actually missed it, right?” Jay asked with a smile on his face. 

Will nodded. “Hospital food doesn’t have a taste.” 

They stood in silence for a few minutes and Jay paid attention in every single detail on Will’s face. Noticing how his face was skinnier, but healthier, had some colours in it now, unlike how Jay found him almost a month ago on that lab floor. His hair was shaved on one side while the other was tangled. Scars were still healing, but they now looked so much better. 

“Y’u ok?” Will’s voice brought in out of the daydream he was in. 

“Yeah. Just looking at you.” 

“I’m alive”

“I know. Feels good to have you back.” 

They made their way to the living room once they were done and Jay decided to put on a hockey game for them, Will commenting on how he should talk to his boss about putting sports channel on the ICU. Jay almost wanted to comment how Will sometimes got stressed out by his own voice, let alone a game, but he swallowed and smiled at the joke. 

“Where is my dog?” Will asked out of nowhere. 

“I let him on a hotel while you readapt.” 

“Oh.” 

Jay noticed how Will dementor had dropped. 

“Something wrong?” 

“W’nder’ng if he’s okay.”

“If you want, we can visit him someday.” 

“I miss him.” 

“Really?” That was a surprise for Jay. 

“Yeah. I used to be alone. Kept me company.” 

“You could’ve called me or something if you were that lonely, man.” 

“Nah. You work.” 

“But you’re family. Your best friend shouldn’t be a dog.” 

Will seemed tired of the conversation and went back to pay attention at the TV, after a few moments Jay noticed that he was shutting his eyes way too much, and trying to massage his temples with his hands, but he still didn’t have a lot of coordination with it. 

“Having a headache?” 

Will nodded, still keeping his eyes closed. 

“Gonna grab a medicine.” Jay motioned that he would leave the couch, after a few steps he heard his brother calling his name. He ran back to the room and found Will staring at the ceiling. 

“Take these.” He handled the pill and a bottle of water to Will. “Want to go back to your room?” 

“Please.” 

This time Jay had to help Will, holding him by the waist and guiding him towards the room and laying him in bed. It was hard to think that Will was only halfway through recovery, even harder to think that this may be as good as it gets. Only time will tell, even though Jay started praying again for his brother to make a full recovery. 

“Once I’m better…” Will spoke with a sleepy voice, almost incompressible through the pillow that his face was pressed into. “We’ll go for drinks. I’m g’na get drunk.” 

A smile broke into Jay’s face. 

“Oh… You’ll get wasted and I’m gonna carry you home.” 

But Will was already asleep. Jay stood there for a while watching his brother sleep, his eyelids moving as he was dreaming. He made himself lunch, watched some more TV and let sleep consume him as well.  In his dreams Dr. Abrams walked towards him and told that was nothing he could for Will. 

He woke up crying, with his chest in fire. He was so hurt by the dream he couldn’t even move to go to the room check if his brother was alive or not. He thinks he stood there for hours ‘til he made his way to Will’s doorway and watched as he slept.

On the following days, Jay would let Will do the minimal, he would watch him like a hawk most of the time. Will had suggested for them to go for a walk, but Jay refused, talking about how much stairs Will would have to climb back and how it could exhaust him even more. So Will’s routine back home was mostly wake up, have breakfast, go for the rehab, come back home, do his homework, lay back in bed, be yelled at Jay for trying to do something by himself.  It was soon becoming tiresome. When Will was stopped from doing the dishes by Jay’s he had his breaking point. 

“STOP WITH THAT.” Will managed to scream at Jay, that almost fell back in shock. “I’m not useless!” 

“I don’t think-” 

“You do! You treat me like I’m going to break at any time. I’m not. I’m-I’m trying to be better, but you don’t let me.” 

“Will, that’s not-”

“It’s! You don’t let me take a shower alone.” 

“Your legs could stop working and you-”

“I-” Will’s brain started to shut down again and it was making him even more infuriating, tears was filling his eyes. He wanted to fight his own battles but couldn’t even manage to say what he wanted, ‘cause his brain was still too hurt for that. So he closed his eyes and tried to hide his face from Jay. 

Jay was feeling his heart breaking in his chest. He watched as Will was with both hands on the dinner table, with his head down, hiding and ashamed. Now, all he could do was watch as Will was breathing hard and trying to calm himself down, whenever he got worked up the words would leave his brain. The struggle he was doing almost made Jay go there and help, but he decided against it. 

“I-” Will started back, speaking slower now. “You make me feel like I’m useless. Like I’m not good at anyth’ng anymore. I have headaches and I get dizzy and sometimes things get-” he motions with his hands things spinning around. “Blurry, but I’m trying.” 

Will eye met Jay’s and for the first time Jay could see how red, sad and empty they looked. 

“I’m trying, Jay. Brother I’m trying, but you don’t let me.” 

Jay was silent after that. He thought about how he was watching Will sleep every night, how in his brain he was doing his best for his brother. Now he could see Will’s frustration, Will’s sadness whenever Jay wouldn’t let him do something simple. How his brother was in front of him begging for independence. 

“I’m sorry.” It came out of Jay’s mouth at the same time some tears left his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I screw up… Will, I’m so sorry.”

Their eyes met and he watched as his brother sat on the kitchen’s floor, heads down between his knees. Jay slowly followed and sat by his side. 

“When I walked in that lab I thought you were dead. I thought I had lost you and that I would never walk out of the hospital with you alive. I know I’m wrong, but… But I blamed myself, thought on a million things I could’ve done different and I didn’t -” Will looked at him in disbelief. “I know that was nothing I could’ve done to prevent that. I know! But… Sometimes it’s hard. And then when you woke up… Will, you didn’t know me. You didn’t recognize me.” He looked at Will. “Abrams told me you may never get better. It was all so… much. I thought I was being punished for being a terrible brother.” 

Will looked back at him and waited for him to admit something more. 

“But then you got better and I’m so scared that you’ll get back in the way you were before. That something will hurt your brain even more and you’ll never know me again. Never see me as your brother again and I can’t do that.” 

This time, before he was done talking, he felt Will’s arms surrounding him as a sob escaped. 

“I’m scared I’ll never get my life back.” Will said in a whisper, so quiet Jay almost couldn’t hear. “That I’ll never gonna be a doctor again. That I’ll never drive my car or walk around the block with my dog. That I’ll never go out with my friends. I’m afraid of my future.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Will nodded this time. They sat on the floor a while longer, drying their tears. The air in the room cleared and the tesion that was in the house for day now was gone and it felt like they could breathe again. 

“You gonna do the dishes now or…?” Jay asked teasing, even though a few tears were still on his face. 

Will laughed and got up, with Jay’s help. 

“Man. I really want my dog back.” 

“I’m gonna call the hotel.” Jay said and watched as Will happily cleaned his plate. 


	11. We can still be friends

It had been a month since Will had been discharged from the hospital, most of the time he spends at the house with Jay, doing homework from the PT, watching games and when the night would come, occasionally he would have nightmares and wake in the middle of the night. But each passing day Will was getting more independent and Jay monitoring time was getting less and less. 

Now, Jay went back to full time for the Intelligence. Both of them thanked Voight for the huge help he had been during all this time when Jay first went back. Will had spend most of the day by himself, he still wasn’t cleared to drive so he went for a short walk around the block. 

When he came back Natalie was waiting at his doorstep and he couldn’t help but be surprised. The temperature was dropping and she was wearing a big coat that she held tight around herself as she looked around, probably searching for him, when their eyes met he waved at her and walked towards her. 

“Hi Will.” Her voice sounded shy. 

He felt as her eyes went straight to the bennie he was wearing. His hair way shorter than it once way, it was almost buzzed and made him unsure of his appearance, even if Jay had assured him it was a good look on him. He knew that if someone looked closer they could see the scar the surgery left on his scalp and that was the worst part, so he avoid showing it to anyone outside his brother. 

“Hey…” He said opening the door for her, he made his way towards his place and nodded her to follow him. Once he opened the door, he welcomed her, took her coat off and hung it and made his way towards the kitchen. “Do you want a coffee or anything?” 

“No, I’m fine. Thanks.” Natalie was slowly walking towards the kitchen, her eyes unsure around the room. 

“Jay is back at work.” Will tried to break the uncomfortable silence between them. 

“Yeah, I know. Will… I came here to apologize.” Her eyes met him for the first time and it looked like someone took the air out of his lungs. 

“What for?” 

“The way I treated you, for not sticking around much at the hospital… I could-” 

“Oh! No, no, you don’t need to apologize for that. Honestly, I barely remember most of my time there.” 

“Will, you don’t need to lie to me. I- Philip lied and I remember that I wanted to tell you that night that I got my head wound.” She said it with a little smile. “It has always been you and I’m sorry for the way I treated you all this time, for the cold shoulder, the yelling and the fights. I’m sorry.” 

Will was speechless at that. He kept looking at her as if it was all going to stop for a moment and he would find out he was still in coma. 

“I-I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t need to say anything I just wanted you to know that.” He nodded at that and they sat in silence for a while. “So, how’s the head?” 

“Better. I can speak now, so that’s a win, only when I get really work up the words mixed.” He said looking down. 

“When are you coming back?” 

“As soon as Abrams clear me.” He said disappoint. 

‘Bored?” 

Will thought it was funny how easy it was to talk to Nat when they were just friends, how she just feels right good next to room, and how he could hear her voice for the rest of his life. But then he remembers her wedding dress stained with blood, she kicking him out, her with Philip and it all hurts so much to pretend it didn’t happen. 

“When I was out for a walk a few time ago a kid fell off his bike in front of me and I kinda hoped it was something serious so I could treat him.” He looked serious at her. 

“That’s awful!” She said between laughs. 

They spoke through the whole afternoon and she only left when it was time to get Owen off the daycare. By the time they said their goodbyes Will stopped her at the door and said how much he appreciated what she said to him earlier. 

“I hope we can still be friends.” She had said. 

“Me too.” 


End file.
